Drops

 I've been scraping for blood to feed the monsters I make, all my life.

The wolves yell, "Give us more! it's not enough!" 

 The time came that I accepted it. 

 I craved the steel gliding through my flesh. The slow, red drip, running down my leg. 

 It was never enough. They kept coming back, screaming, tearing at me, "We need more! You'll never be enough, will you?!" 

 If I can't take care of what's mine, why should I continue? I shouldn't. I can't. I'm not enough. 

 I wanted them to take my flesh, my blood, my bones, my soul. Maybe that will be enough. 

 I was over. But then you came to me. 

 Ready to be give it all for me. My only thought is how desperately you are in love with me. 

I was ready to give my remains for my sins. But before steel meet skin, for what would be the last time, you flung your body into my pit. You silenced their cries. You paid for my life with your own.

 I will always keep the scars, but they will remind me of the price you were willing to pay. 

Don't Let Her Go

They Called her insane

You called her beautiful

She lived in the dark

Naked and alone

But you were with her even there

They ran in fear of a monster

You grabbed her by the hand

You tore into her flesh

You found who she was

And showed her to the monster that was me

You completed the madness

You

Are

My

One

Love

The One

Everyone has one person
One person to keep them going
Someone to tell them to get up,
Wipe their eyes
If only just for them
Get up
Try again
So that I know
That I can always get up too
If only
If only,
Just for you

 Tiyler James

Depression

 Hey! My name's Tiyler and I'm clinically depressed.

 I don't think most people really understand what it's like, or how scary it is to be told you're mentally ill. Guys, it fricken sucks. Before you can help someone who is depressed, you have to understand what we go through every day.

 1. We loose the ability to function
 we can't just get out of bed and do our school work and laugh and smile and say everything is just fine and dandy. We just can't.

 2. We feel unloved
 "No one cares about me" "No one want's me around" are a couple of things that went through my head every minute of every day. Who can live like that?

 3. We feel hopeless
 "I'll never get better" "I'll always be useless" We don't believe we're going to get better, and we don't think we can. In my head, It was over. I was going to be like this the rest of my life. I can see a light at the end of the tunnel now, and I don't hear a train (as I have so many times before).

 These are just a few things I faced everyday. I was just so tired and I wanted it to be over. I'm not all better yet. as a matter of fact just a month ago I was in serious danger of being hospitalized. But I'm on my way!

 What you can do to help people like me:

 Love, love, love.
 Before you can do anything, prove that you can love someone so broken. Smile at them everytime you see them. Not a pity grin, a real smile just to say you're happy and there's something left to be happy about. Hugs are awesome and a great way to show love. If you're romanticaly involved with the person you want to help, cuddles and kisses are the bomb.

 Just show you care and you love them. 

 You're awesome,
                               Tiyler

Uhh… Chickens?

 Hey! My name's Tiyler and I live 20 minutes away from the closest town, I'm home schooled, and I have chickens. Yeah, that's right.

   Chickens.

      That like, lay eggs and run around the yard.

 It's my mom's fault. Well… mine too. Mostly mine really. See… about a year ago I was OBSESSED with country life. Looking back I was dumb, but I didn't know it at the time of course. Anyway, I wanted chickens, goats, the whole deal. And I got lucky. Really lucky. I got my mom on board and we convinced my dad we should move into the country, and it happened. One year ago inmature little Tiyler convinced her parents to get chickens.

 Now, I like it out here. The (weeping) stars are so bright, there are horses outside my bedroom window, I'm living my childhood dream. And it's wonderful. I don't get to see my friends as often as I'd like, I have to go out and take care of chickens every morning; but I have the stars, I have room to breathe, and I have poultry.

You're awesome.

                                Tyiler

I'm an Artist and I'm Willing to Bet, You Are Too!

 Hey! My name's Tiyler, and I'm an artist.

 No, I've never made any money on a painting, I've never published a book, I've never even entered a sketch in a contest. But I'm still an artist.

 Being an artist has nothing to do with making a living. Very few professional artists do. The only thing that makes a semi normal person an artist, is beauty. If you make the world better, I'd consider you an artist. That's all art is anyway: something beautiful. Wether it be running a company, or brushes and canvas, you're an artist. If you put a smile on a stranger's face, you're an artist.

 So go!
         
               Make art!

 Make drawings!

               Make smiles!

 Make beauty!


 Go.
         Make the world a better place.


YOU! Are awesome.

                                      Tiyler
               

My Doom

 What I would give for someone to stay

 For somebody to love when I open my eyes

 Or my heart

 When they really see me 

 To stay and embrace

 The fire I am

 To hold the monster I’ve become

 Maybe a warm touch will finally lift my mouth to a smile

 An embrace will set me free 

 The darkness I choose doesn't help 

 But why should I leave if I only take it with me? 

 The shadow of a winged monster follows close

 Telling of a doom 

 And now I have you

 No

 Keep away 

 Why take you down with me? 

 All hope may leave

 All life may burn

 But you will stay

 My life for you? 

 Yes

 This shadow of a world needs life like yours

 I can only destroy it

Philippians 2:12-16

 Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose.

 Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, “children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.” Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky as you hold firmly to the word of life. And then I will be able to boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor in vain.

Once Upon a Time, Or A Poem to Myself

once upon a time there was a little girl

she had a boy that loved her

one upon a time they used to play together

they used to make up when they fought with each other

once upon a time they couldn't see each other 

they where torn apart and couldn't be together

once upon a time she couldn't take it any more 

she packed a bag and left to go see him

once upon a time she went to see him 

when she arrived he looked into her eyes

once upon a time he said he couldn't have her 

he said it hurt to much and that he wouldn't have her

once upon a time he left her on the door step

left her in the rain with no where to go

once upon a time she used to be happy

she used to be fine when she got in a fight

once upon a time she thought it was her fault 

she thought he left her because she did something wrong

Once upon a time she believed in happy endings

That love would vanquish evil

Once upon a time a girl couldn't live without a boy

She hurt herself because it had been proven that she wasn't worth it

Once upon a time he loved her

But all beautiful things are killed eventually. 

Greetings Inter Web!

 Hello people of the internet!

 My name is Tiyler (as you can already see), and this *gestures toward screen* is my blog! I thought it would be a good idea to start off with why I want to blog. Yeah, it's cliché and everyone starts with it, but trends usually start for a good reason. So I'm gonna do it

 Blogging has been something I've wanted to do for a long time. Because I've been told I'm good at poetry so I wanted to share it. Also, I've been wanting an outlet for a while and I think it will be good for me. And the other day I was just like:

 "Know what? I'm gonna do it."

 So, I did.

 And now I have a blog! Yay!

 I wont just be posting poems. I'll also post bible verses that are important to me, my relationship with God, and just my day to day life. Cause being a home schooled 15 year old girl living 15 minutes from the nearest Walmart and having cats, chickens, and a dog may be interesting to someone. And if not, I'll be posting other things too, so stick around.

 Feel free to comment and leave me tips/criticism and questions for me to answer!

 Guys, you're awesome.
                                          Tiyler

Steel on Skin

Steel on skin picking, scratching
The only way we cope
The painful hate for ourselves
The lies we live
The lessons unlearned

Believe me, I love you
I hate myself more
The one thing left
The lessons unlearned
The lives we end

They won't hear me!
They won't see me!
Drink my own blood to keep the act going
Pills and injections?
Just death and my attractions
Knives and stings?
The pain that gives me wings

You won't understand
The pain
The anger
The consuming rage,
Creeping through the darkness
Falling through the moon light

My life and my end
The lines seem to blend
The only thing left,
The lessons unlearned
The lives we end

They won't hear me!
They won't see me!
Drink my own blood to keep the act going
Pills and injections?
Just death and my attractions
Knives and stings?
The pain that gives me wings

Kill the lights
Smash the cage
Bombs away
Let's crash this plane
Before the night takes us with it to our grave

Just one more scream
One more bullet
One more blood drip on the pavement!

My heart runs dry
My last shot fired
The only thing left
The lessons unlearned
The lives we end

They won't hear me!
They won't see me!
Drink my own blood to keep the act going
Pills and injections?
Just death and my attractions
Knives and stings?
The pain that gives me wings

~Tiyler James